Frag den Medic

The ask box is currently:

That would be German for "Ask the Medic".

Anyway, Guten Tag, Kinder. I am Dr. [NAME REDACTED], the field medic employed in the interests of the Reliable Excavation Demolition company. I am quite busy experimenting on my teammates and inflicting immeasurable pain upon my enemies treating injuries sustained by my colleagues, but I will try to answer your questions when I can.

Previously, I answered your questions here, which will remain online as an archive.

And please do go say hello to our heavy weapons specialist and my dearest companion, Mr. [NAME REDACTED]. He is the finest consenting guinea pig, human shield, friend and secret lover a man of science could ask for.

Would You Like a Second Opinion? ♥
Prepare for your examination. ♥
Most Hearts Couldn't Withstand This Voltage ♥
Questions Which I Receive Far Too Often, And Their Answers. ♥

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  1. Where did you get those glasses?
    asked by pommypoisonoverload
    answer:

    A quality establishment!

     
     
  2. WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?
    asked by tumblrbot
    answer:

    REFLECTING ON MY GLORY DAYS GUTTING NAZI FILTH AND WATCHING THEM SLOWLY BLEED TO DEATH!

    WAIT, WHY ARE WE YELLING?

     
     
  3. WHAT DOES THIS SUBJECT THINK OF ITS COUNTERPART WITHIN THE GRAY HORDE?
    asked by thesteelgauntlet
    answer:

    WHO THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TO PUT THAT STUPID METAL VERSION OF ME ON A UNICYCLE?

    I WILL MURDER YOU ALL, ROBOTS!

     
     
  4. Welcome back, Herr Doktor. If you had to choose between undergoing open heart surgery wizh no painkillers during recovery or drinking a case of Bonk!, which would you choose?
    asked by privatemaxwell
    answer:

    Why do I need painkillers when I have my medigun?

    Although I would be perfectly willing to drink a case of Bonk simply to observe the results for Science! Verdammt Scout is always stealing my stimulants anyway, and turnabout is fair play…

     
     

  5. askcatmedic hat auf deinen Eintrag geantwortet: What is your opinion on half-beast hybrids such as ArchiMedic or Tentaspy or Nagasniper… To name a few.
    Says the man looking at a woman with cat features.

    What does the fact that you are a pointless abomination have to do with idiotic made up words?! I do not understand you people!

     
     
  6. What is your opinion on half-beast hybrids such as ArchiMedic or Tentaspy or Nagasniper... To name a few.
    asked by koramasian
    answer:

    Ach, what? About what I think of HorseScout, SpaghettiDemo, and PickledHerringEngie!

    Stop sticking random words together and acting as if it means something! It makes you look like a grade-A Dummkopf!

     
     
  7. What is your opinion on paranormal creatures such-as vampires and-uh, werewolves/lycans?
    asked by lycanlilly-andfriends
    answer:

    Why would you ask me about ridiculous fairy tale creatures* invented for children? I would much rather discuss real beings recognized by science, like yetis and ghosts!

    *I do not count that idiot Dracula as a “vampire”. He really needs to stop skulking around the bases and draining my specimens of blood, though. Filthy man.

     
     
  8. So what's your beef with the Prime Minister, anyway?
    asked by catbountry
    answer:

    Beef? He simply had his wedding in the way when I was running from those Nazi Schweine from whom I had stolen that skeleton! He should thank me for giving that poor van full of doves a much more interesting life!

     
     
  9. Hello my friends! I have returned to you after a long and arduous battle with the court systems of the great state of New Mexico! Really, Herr Mundy had no reason to press charges, it was just a joyride! I had every intention of returning his van! It was just that the highway patrol managed to chase me down first! There would have been no damage to speak of to the vehicle had they not forced me to pull off the road and into that five-hundred-foot deep canyon! Really, the Sniper should be happy that his van is now at the bottom of a river, because if it were not for that body of water myself and the Heavy would have been forced to test the range of the respawn system instead of simply climbing out of the mangled remains of the camper and swimming to safety! Everyone has completely overreacted to this situation! Ahem, I mean, the ask box is now open, please fill it with your idiotic questions as you usually do. 

    Hello my friends! I have returned to you after a long and arduous battle with the court systems of the great state of New Mexico! Really, Herr Mundy had no reason to press charges, it was just a joyride! I had every intention of returning his van! It was just that the highway patrol managed to chase me down first! There would have been no damage to speak of to the vehicle had they not forced me to pull off the road and into that five-hundred-foot deep canyon! Really, the Sniper should be happy that his van is now at the bottom of a river, because if it were not for that body of water myself and the Heavy would have been forced to test the range of the respawn system instead of simply climbing out of the mangled remains of the camper and swimming to safety! Everyone has completely overreacted to this situation!

    Ahem, I mean, the ask box is now open, please fill it with your idiotic questions as you usually do. 

     
     

  10. An excellent brand, Herr McCoy!

    I can personally attest to its results!